NEWS FLASH-Proposed Law Would Authorize Execution of Sex Offenders Immediately Upon Being Accused [a Well-Armed Sheep Parody]

NEWS FLASH Lansing, Michigan July 3, 2007- In response to Democratic lawmakers proposing that sex offenders be assumed guilty as soon as they are accused, Republican lawmakers once again broached the subject of capital punishment. "There is no way that Democrats are as hard on crime as we are" said the Republican Leader, Senator N. Z. Stormtrooper. "They would have you think that life without parole at hard labor is a sufficient punishment. I say to them: WIMPS!"

A second bill would lower the age at which the death penalty applied: "We think that as soon as the offender's umbilical cord is cut he or she should face the same penalty as anyone else who commits a serious crime" Senator Stormtrooper said. "Unless, of course, the person WANTS to die." This is a softer version of his earlier proposal, which would make a person eligable for the death penalty anytime after conception. This bill died in committee when exceptions forbidding the death penalty to be used as a form of abortion and exempting any sitting or past Vice President who might shoot someone ended up running into several hundreds of pages.